Blog Post #10 – Dreams for 2016

I usually don’t like the concept of resolutions. A new year is just another bunch of days. Just because the earth made it around the sun one more time doesn’t mean you’re all of a sudden capable of amazing feats like quitting smoking or eating better. I don’t like setting myself up to fail.

Lately though, my anxiety has been driving me down dark paths. Self-loathing is something I’ve battled my whole life and I’ve reached a point of desperation. I need to love myself more or things are never going to get better.

I am lucky enough to be surrounded by some completely amazing women. The kind of women who are comfortable in their skins. They take ownership of their words, their bodies, and their trajectories in a way I have never witnessed before. I am both envious and inspired.

I don’t know what will come of 2016 but the flipping of the calendar page feels more significant than it has before. I want to emulate those around me who I admire so much and stop letting their brilliance feel like my failure.

This proclamation is at once trite and unique for me, nevertheless here are my dreams for 2016:

1) Buy a car
2) Plan a beautiful mid year trip to somewhere in Aus.
3) Go on a bush walk once every 2 months.
4) Call or txt my sister once a week.
5) Send birthday presents to family
6) One overseas trip.
7) When I start thinking self-loathing thoughts, listen to music instead.
8) Realise I’m never going to be anyone else.
9) Learn how to read again.
10) Stop feeling guilty about eating.
11) Try to view ‘new people’ as an opportunity to make friends instead of a terrifying imposition.
12) Stop being afraid to blog when I get the urge.
13) Stop letting small criticisms trigger bouts of self-loathing.
14) Stop feeling jealous when my my partner is writing, feel proud instead.

Advertisements